IFS and Group Work:
Supporting with our Internal Parts with Facilitated
Sociometric Explorations to Create Safety and Relieve Anxiety
Danielle Phegan AAMFT,RP and Miriam Zachariah MA, TEP

We all have parts that protect us and we all have exiles, the ones holding the pain. When people come to a new group with people they don’t know, they bring all these parts. Protectors are watching all the time for danger, and they’re also prepared to get us out of danger if they perceive a threat. Coming to a group of unknowns is often experienced as a threat, as a specific danger and it can increase anxiety or nervousness as people consider will  questions like will I fit in, will people like me, will people exclude me, what is my relationship to this group, the people in it, and the facilitator.
Sociometry, a method of looking at social relationships and interpersonal interactions within groups. can be used to uncover known and unknown connections and build new connections between people in a group.
People feel safer when they know more about the others in the group. Using Sociometric exercises creates a structure and a facilitated way to increase a sense of safety allow these protectors to relax.

Sociometry is frequently used for group building and for creating safety by exploring our differences and similarities in action.  This involves a facilitator or group members asking a series of questions that allow people to explore criteria where they discover  ways in which they are similar to others in the group and where they might be different from others. It is important to note that when facilitators or group members ask questions of the group it is always up to the individual group members how much they choose to reveal about themselves when they respond to the questions. Sociometry can be used to help the different parts of our system, especially protector parts, feel seen and be heard. This ultimately gives each person more access to self-energy which allows for curiosity and compassion to surface and guide our interactions.

Another benefit to beginning a group with the process of sociometry is people can feel deeply seen and validated. For example, in “who like me”, participants are invited to step into the circle based on a criterion each participant is invited to name about themselves, encouraging others who can relate to step in with them. Participants, of course, have the option not to participate in the process and to only reveal what they wish to the group. If they stand there alone, their protective parts are watching for how the facilitator is able to help the group notice this, and/or help find similarities that were not yet named.  For example, “who like me has somebody in their family who…” sharing a specific criteria. The facilitator can then ask who has somebody who has shared that criteria in the past but doesn’t share that criteria now, or who can relate to something within the criteria, maybe not all of it. The group member can notice how how do they feel being seen by the facilitators and also how do the facilitators help others in the group to see them, hear them and connect to them.  How do the leaders facilitate connections that they couldn’t have revealed or explored on their own? In doing so there can be a repair for parts in that moment, a chance to experience connection about something when they originally felt the pain of disconnection.

Noticing who’s different from me, who’s the same as me, and how that is handled in the group, both by the facilitators and group members, is closely watched especially by protector parts.
The most terrifying thing can be when we are confronted by those that may be different from us. Protectors are on guard for how we might be judged or rejected. It’s great when we’re all the same and we all connect, no problem. It’s when I’m different from someone or someone feels different from me that it’s scary, and that can be painful. The protectors in us are always watching facilitators; how are they going to handle this? either with me directly or with other people. How do they handle conflict that comes from differences? When a facilitator initiates an exploration of connection and differences, our protectors can see that all members of the group can be seen and heard, even when people differ.

After using Sociometry to create safety through connection, it can be used to to dig a little deeper and give a platform for protector parts, because the exploration might bring up some aspect of the participant that has some charge. For example, when we’re dealing with areas of oppression, we’re asking “who like me” is queer, identifies as trans or as a person of color.  That’s the brilliant wisdom of Sociometry, we know people come in with protectors on board already. This needs attention. It needs a space. It needs a lot of love, tenderness and holding for those parts to come out and be open to a different experience. With Sociometry we’re saying, in action, “hey, all parts are truly welcome here”.  So much wounding has happened to people in groups: our family, school mates, social groups, work groups…we often get wounded in groups and it is in groups that we can heal.

Sociometry also gives participants a chance to expand roles. For example, in a spectrogram where participants stand on a continuum of one aspect of themselves, like “what do I know about IFS” or “what do I know about psychodrama”, I know a lot, or I know a little. If a participant is less experienced there’s probably going to be some fear around that. Expressing that position gives those protectors an opportunity to be seen and heard as they speak from that place. And when two people at the extreme opposites are invited to role-reverse with one another it also gives permission to be vulnerable. Those protectors can relax when they see other people stepping into those roles. The one who knows the most becomes the one who knows the least, for example.

In this way protectors can be updated, “maybe it’s okay in this group to show that I don’t know things” and/or  “there’s a large spectrum here and it might be interesting to to try something different.
When we have people take on the roles of others it shakes our internal system. It’s a gentle way to help protectors observe again or be updated. “I’m being invited to change roles and I have a choice whether to role-reverse or not.”  “I’m choosing to step into and try out someone else’s space”. Parts are watching that too, “Oh, this is what this feels like” or “maybe this is what they think” or “this is what it is like to stand over here by myself, rather than in a group”. Parts start to immediately get different information than they had before. The stories they were telling themselves get expanded or revised.

Using the example of a spectrogram (continuum) on, “how much do I know about IFS?” Imagine a continuum from “I know nothing about IFS” to “I know everything about IFS” and someone is standing by themselves, alone in the not knowing. At the other end we see someone who’s surrounded by people who know lots about IFS. Someone from this group is invited to take the position of the person standing alone in the “not knowing” and the one who doesn’t know gets to stand in the “knowing” side. That can be so powerful because it shifts the power dynamic immediately, it facilitates compassion and curiosity for the other. It makes that connection known. The person who doesn’t know standing in the role of knowing gets to feel right, gets to feel connected, gets to feel smart, whatever that means for their parts. And the parts that might hold them in a not knowing role, feeling all the things they’re feeling and telling themselves things, can have a different experience. So there are new connections outside and inside.

Sociometry also gives the parts in us a chance to play, stretch out. Not all parts are structured around pain, not all parts are protectors. For example, “who like me” loves pets, or lives with pets at home, or is an animal lover is one example. We can also explore the roles we are in at work, or in life, parents, grandparents, partners etc. Those aren’t all protective roles, but they’re all parts. We always begin with those. We start with criteria that will not activate, criteria that aren’t so activated or charged. This builds connection and some relief for any parts that were worried about exploring the “heavy stuff”.

The invitation in Sociometry is always first to move and then to speak. It’s very powerful for people who don’t speak easily in groups to be able to show themselves without speaking. Just like people, all parts of us want to be heard, seen and understood. This way of sharing gives those more quiet parts a way of communicating, rather than having to use words. It’s quite common in people’s lives, especially in dominant Western culture, for people to be expected to speak easily in front of a group.  Those who don’t or can’t  are at risk of being seen as stupid, incompetent, unimportant having less value.

Using movement is a way of connecting that doesn’t just value words and thoughts. It offers the opportunity to embody what you want the group to know about you. Having sensations, feeling yourself standing either alone or with others, is a very visceral experience, the symbolism of which can be very impactful for our parts.
Intentional exploration of criteria reveals similarities and differences in our experiences. Parts in our internal system get to be seen and heard in a deliberate way as the group is forming. This allows parts such as protectors that may usually be on guard in a group, to relax. When those parts are less activated, we have access to Self energy so we can explore our connections and differences to others with more curiosity and compassion. The group can then become a safer, brave container for us to navigate our vulnerable experiences.

Danielle Phegan, MTS, AAMFT, RP is an IFS Certified Therapist (Internal Family Systems Institute) and has completed their level two training. She is a registered psychotherapist (RP) with CRPO (College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario). For over 25 years Danielle has worked in various agencies and addiction services with groups, families, individuals and relationships of all shapes and sizes.
Miriam Zachariah MA, TEP has been a public school educator for 30 years and recently retired as an elementary school principal. Granddaughter of Dr. J.L.Moreno, creator of Psychodrama and Sociometry, Miriam is a certified trainer in psychodrama, sociometry and group psychotherapy. 

Original artwork by Susan Aaron.