Disenfranchised Grief: Validation and Healing through Psychodrama
Jennifer Salimbene LCSW, TEP

Introduction

Grief is an inherent aspect of life due to its impermanent nature and the inevitability of death and loss. Death is random and has no order. There is no rhyme or reason as to when someone will die and or when anyone will experience the loss of a loved one, beloved pet, friend, house, job and or the end of a relationship (whether pleasurable or not).
When loss or death occurs, accessing and working through feelings are an important part of the griever’s healing journey. Sometimes these feelings can be complicated especially if the griever has mixed emotions involving the loss. There is often unfinished business that must be worked through and addressed in order to come to acceptance and resolution towards healing. “You can’t heal what you don’t feel” (David Kessler). Internalized childhood messages about feelings from family of origin may surface in grief and can impede the healing process if these messages are not explored in the counseling process.

Releasing attachments can be challenging, yet addressing and alleviating the suffering associated with various forms of loss is a necessary part of the healing process.
Grieving individuals need their pain witnessed, acknowledged and validated to heal and find renewed purpose in life. Finding meaning after loss means accepting it and recognizing that moving beyond suffering does not mean forgetting the loved one. Part of the healing process involves remembering the loved one with more love than pain.

Everyone experiences grief in their own way, and there is no set timeline for the grieving process. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there are no strict rules or expectations. However, therapists and counselors can develop effective skills to support clients wherever they may be on their grief journey. By providing a safe and nonjudgmental environment, clients are encouraged to share their feelings and allow themselves to be vulnerable during their grieving process.

To best support those who are grieving, helpers must be mindful of their own experiences and biases around grief. With self-awareness, healthy boundaries, and appropriate supervision, grief counselors, and advocates can avoid projecting their own unresolved grief onto clients, which can be unhelpful and may interfere with e healing process. A skillful counselor does their own work. If their old wounds get activated with clients, they seek counseling or supervision.

The following is an example of a psychodrama session that I directed that revolved around disenfranchised grief.
The session’s theme centered around “Letting Go” and focused on releasing unnecessary burdens in order to cultivate a more fulfilling and meaningful life. The audience was diverse, comprising individuals new to psychodrama as well as those with advanced training. The session took place on the original Moreno Stage, historically used for demonstrations aimed at introducing psychodrama to a broader community in alignment with Moreno’s vision of healing and therapeutic action being for everyone. The circular stage originally had three levels, built by JL Moreno, the originator of Psychodrama, in 1936. After being moved to a smaller space, it retained two levels.

The Warm Up Phase

This is part of the first phase of a classical psychodrama. It’s purpose is to increase group connections, to create safety and trust, to focus on the theme of the evening and find a protagonist-the person whose drama will be enacted. We used sociometric structures such as locograms and step-in circles as well as the offering the opportunity to converse in pairs the warmup phase.

Participants were encouraged to consider what they were warmed up to exploring that evening based on what they got in touch with during the warmup. They were invited to come onto the first level of the stage and share one by one, either the title of the piece of their work or the theme of what they might explore further.
The group was invited to step onto the top level of the stage and consider how warmed up they were to do some work that evening by how close to the center of the stage they stood. Those who moved towards the center were asked to say a few more words about their possible work as the Protagonist of the drama.

We proceeded with sociometric protagonist selection where the group chose the protagonist based on the criteria: Whose drama do you most resonate with at this moment? The selected individual presented the theme, “I live in the body where my child died,” addressing her profound grief following a miscarriage—a form of disenfranchised grief that had been insufficiently acknowledged by others. She shared openly and vulnerably, which was an honor for myself as the director and I believe for the group members ( also referred to as the audience) who would be witnesses to the protagonist’s grief journey.
The protagonist expressed desire to heal from her traumatic grief that was associated with her miscarriage which many people in her life did not want to acknowledge and/or lend support.

The Action Phase
During the action phase, the protagonist cast a group member to take the auxiliary role of her husband as a support figure and demonstrated role reversal to instruct the chosen auxiliary in portraying the role as she experienced him. Her husband remained a consistent resource throughout the drama. Additionally, several individuals representing well-meaning but unskilled people in her life were cast:

• Doctors: “Your body just wasn’t up to sustaining a healthy baby. Sorry, there is no heartbeat, and you need to carry this baby to term.”
• Other medical providers: “We have seen this before; you will be fine. You might try again for another baby once you heal.”
• Friends: “Don’t talk about it, and you’ll be fine. You have other children.”
• Family members: “At least you have other kids. Some people don’t even have that.”.
• Others: “Consider yourself lucky. You didn’t give birth to a deformed child.” “Don’t talk about it in front of your other kids.” “Don’t tell anyone, people might think you are defective. ““It just wasn’t meant to be. ” “Everything happens for a reason.”

Using psychodrama techniques such as role reversal, the protagonist was able to train the auxiliaries to give their messages with the correct words, tone and attitudes.
The protagonist now heard these messages and was given the opportunity to respond freely, without concern for the auxiliary’s reaction. Note: that this could only occur as a result of creating a safe container via group building in the warm up phase, using sociometric exercises and pledging confidentiality.

In addition to the psychodramatic technique of role reversal, a technique called doubling was introduced in the session. Doubling is a psychodramatic technique where someone stands next to and a little behind the protagonist and says what they imagine the protagonist is feeling and thinking but not saying aloud. If the doubling statements are accurate, the protagonist is encouraged to put it into their own words. If it is inaccurate, the protagonist is asked to change it to make it right or to discard the statement. With the permission of both the director and the protagonist, there was a lot of doubling by audience members which helped validate and deepen the protagonist’ s feelings. She felt seen, heard, supported and given permission to express a wide range of feelings.

Her husband was brought in and they were able to have a supportive conversation, using much role reversal so the protagonist could experience her husband’s role.
In the following scene, the protagonist experienced a deeper level of healing by engaging in a heartfelt conversation with her baby. The group’s witnessing was vital to her recovery She recognized the significance of naming her child and symbolically promised to keep her baby’s memory close to her heart. The group’s active support played a vital role in her journey toward healing.

The story concluded with a vision of her future, surrounded by family, as she resolved to move forward with intention and meaning, all while holding her baby’s essence within her heart.

The Sharing Phase
The concluding phase of the psychodrama involves de-roling, during which group members who assumed auxiliary roles disengage from their characters and rejoin the group as themselves. This is followed by a sharing session, where participants express personal connections to the protagonist’s experience without offering advice or analysis. The emphasis is placed on genuine interpersonal connection. The sharing was deep, rich and powerfully meaningful to the protagonist and to the group as a whole.

Jennifer Salimbene, LCSW-R, CASAC, TEP is a Senior Faculty at Hudson Valley Psychodrama Institute and head of their Addictions Track. Jennifer is a certified grief educator through David Kessler and Grief.com. She is certified as a Trainer, Educator and Practitioner of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy by the American Board of Examiners. Jennifer is co-director of the Center for Creative Action Strategies, has a private practice and runs a weekly psychodrama group.